I enjoy writing, and don't spend enough time putting thought to ones and zeros, pencil to paper, or voice to digital tape. I think I have a relatively interesting life sometimes, although I become stuck in the ruts of everyday living that I forget to live, to breath, to scream I am a force to be reckoned with. I used to know drive, passion, and be a visionary. I've since been sideswiped by financial ruin, started a business, raised a family, and now face midlife square in the face.
I've floated beyond the 50 yr landmark in my life, I've become listless, lost, confused, dazed, and know few rare moments of joy to keep me going. When I reflect on the last 50 years, I can't believe where I was, where I am now, and I worry about what lies ahead.
During the last 50 years, much history has passed, several life events have transpired, and I've lost touch with the young man who knew curiosity, was full of energy, and pushed for what he wanted in life. Time, wear & tear, and family have since worn me down and I can't see beyond the next few days. I have moments of fogginess and forget details. I'm torn sometimes between spending time with my family or leaving for days to find my true identity and what my purpose is. I used to know these as familiar friends, but have lost touch with that which was but a dream. Lord, am I maturing to the point that my family is more important than my own personal desires and needs? Much confusion blinds me to where I stand in this life. I liken myself sometimes to a warrior nomad who drifts aimlessly from battle to battle, fighting the "good fight" but has no where to call as my own home to rest and build my life & pursue my happiness. My mission, my goal, my battle plan has strayed far from the original plans that were laid before me.
In closing, the days ahead are a mystery and I can't see beyond today. Pray I find clarity of purpose, and the drive to deliver to the end - TKD Road Warrior
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