Reflections from the recession

Tonight after a semi enjoyable day, reality set in and never ending nightmares I live reminded me of where I stand in life. IT's ironic how the mind works. A single word, a smell, or the touch of something can bring back a wave of memories from the past that had been long forgotten. Such was the case tonight. I was texting with a friend and he said something that brought back painful memories of the recession of 2008. It was during that time I lost my job, ended up losing my home a year or so later, filed financial bankruptcy, and now i live in an apartment .
We live comfortably here, but occasionally I'm reminded of how much i miss my home.
I find little comfort where I am today, although I'm slightly more stable financially. When i remember, i hurt so much i want to drown my pain in the numbing effects of beer to help dull the painful reminders of what we lost and gave up.

I miss sitting on my upper deck and marveling at how much the river birch trees have gotten so tall. I enjoyed the view from this perch above the world. Being able to soak in the morning sun while enjoying a hot cup of joe sitting at my breakfast table on this upper deck. Being able to explore the galaxy & stars from this late nite observation deck.
My lower deck was my sanctuary to hide from the world. I could step out of our bedroom in my skivies out into this sitting area and listen to the frogs sing in our little pond oasis I built years prior. Hummingbirds danced among the hanging flower baskets we had lovingly arranged around the inside perimeter of this abode. Many evenings were spent relaxing in my wicker chair with feet propped up listening to the chorus of crickets in the darkness that enveloped us.
I miss walking among the thorns of my blackberry & raspberry plants i carefully cultivated for years in our garden. Many summers I picked plump sweet & bitter berries which were relished on a cold winters day over hot cobbler. I miss picking apples from the tree i planted and cared for like a father over his son. The sweetness of harvesting something i planted yielding fruit that was relished as a freshly made hot apple pie at Thanksgiving with family.

A mans home is his castle they say. I however, found my home to be a place of solace, comfort, and peace. A place to let ones' guard down and claim as my own. Now its gone and i feel ive lost a part of my soul. I feel empty. So much sweat and labor of love was spent there and now its gone, never to be looked at the same or to be enjoyed. Damn the loss of money and equity. Its the memories of a life well spent that I treasure. We had 12 truly joyous years in this home and now its gone. I truly feel like I've lost my kingdom and now i am a nomad banished to wander.